If I were to run for President of the United States
(which I would NEVER do without first having my brain examined for severe mental distress), the following lists my most important changes for America.
Children and parents in this country are over-scheduled and tired enough without forty-eight of fifty states changing the time on us twice every year. It's insanity! I will restore schedule consistency. Moms with little kiddos will especially thank me.
Mostly everyone loves Halloween, but no one loves the candy hangover when kids (and teachers!) have to attend school the next day. Instead of October 31st, I'll make Halloween the last Saturday of October every year. I know, it's brilliant! You're welcome.
Why Super Bowl Sunday? Did the NFL ever consider Super Bowl Saturday? (The alliteration is still there, people!) I don't want to stay up until 1 A.M. on a school night. College football is over by playoff time. Playoff games are on Saturdays. Why can't the Super Bowl be on a Saturday too? I will sign an executive order to make this happen.
No book will ever be banned again! Every writer will have the right to tell their story and every reader will have the right to read.

In Duffer’s class,
we do this test review
called History Jeopardy.
In small groups,
we figure out questions
from answers
and there’s more danger in
teachers picking teams
than students guessing wrong.
In my head,
I play this game
every weekday
from eight to three.
But Duffer doesn’t get that
history teachers should be
up on current events,
especially when they
go down right in front of him.
Bet if he joined in
and the answer was
This boy threatened
to shoot up Harbor Bay Day School.
Duffer’d know the question—
Who is Mario D’Auria?
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience. By accepting our use of cookies, your data will be aggregated with all other user data.